My painting is getting messy. I’m making little paintings in preparation for bigger pieces. In trying to figure out certain gestural shapes and lines, these robots are all over the place. I picture robots rolling around in giant pools of paint, and when they get up, the floor is covered in paintings like this one.
While I need to keep perspective and line weight and all of those cool things in mind while I’m painting, I’ve found that letting go a little, relinquishing some control in the name of experimentation, to be freeing. It feels like screaming into the waves on a windy day, or some other exhausting release. Assuming that a personal practice teaches us things about ourselves (I’m just going with that assumption) I feel like there’s something to learn from this act of letting go.
I hate letting go of control. I feel most comfortable when I can control myself, what I eat, what I wear, how I sound, how I appear. It’s tiring. Sometimes though, I can let go, and let things happen. It can be amazing and it can be scary. I don’t profess to have the answers here, on how to let go and not care, I just think that finding ways to let go, that make you feel good, is helpful. Painting works for me. There’s control and there’s a distinct lack thereof, all at once. The act itself feels rewarding, and I don’t get to hung up and judgmental with the outcome. I fall in love with it a little bit every time, and I don’t worry about where it’s going. I’m hoping it rubs off in other parts of my life.
So that’s today’s reason to keep painting. I get to let go, and give myself a break. That’s something we could all use a little more of, right?